CNBC
Marriage is one of the most rewarding roads and the most challenging life. While we often address it with great expectations, the reality is that it is a permanent learning process.
As a psychologist who studies couples daily, I have worked with many people who only understand the most difficult lessons of marriage after having experienced conflicts, disappointments or even a divorce.
If you can accept these five hard truths about marriage now, you will be more likely to have a happy and successful relationship:
1. Love alone is not enough to maintain a united marriage
Many couples believe that while they love each other, everything else will be fixed. But love does not automatically solve the differences in communication styles, personal values or long -term goals.
What really supports a marriage is commitment, effort and disposition to adapt. Love can help keep the flame alive, but it is the daily decisions that really make a difference.
2. They will fight … a lot.
One of the biggest mistakes about marriage is that truly compatible people do not argue. But the conflict is not only inevitable, but also essential. In fact, the absence of conflict probably means that important issues are being hidden.
And it is not the fights that damage relationships, but the way couples decide to handle their disagreements. A healthy conflict can bring couples when you open the door to deep and significant conversations about desires and needs, which can lead to problem solving.
My advice is to learn to fight fairly. Without blaming anyone, without obstructions or personal attacks. They believe a safe space where both can be honest and open without judging.
3. Your partner will not satisfy, nor can you meet, all your needs
Many people marry that their spouse will be their “everything”: your best friend, your emotional support network, your support and your problem solving. While it is natural to support each other, expect a single person to satisfy all their needs is not realistic.
Healthy couples recognize the importance of individuality. This means maintaining individual interests, friendships and objectives. Cultivating a strong sense of identity out of marriage helps prevent resentment and prevents the relationship from feeling suffocating.
Always remember that a prosperous relationship is built on two complete and complementary people, not on two halves trying to complete.
4. Without constant maintenance, your marriage will crumble
Many couples underestimate the effort that a healthy marriage requires.
The honeymoon phase may seem simple, but over time, the responsibilities of life (work, children, finance, health) often relegate the relationship to a lower place in the list of priorities.
It is necessary to have regular meetings and plan quality time together. Just as a car is not expected to work eternally without maintenance, it cannot be expected that a marriage will prosper without constant care.
5. Both will change individually
You cannot expect that the person with whom you get at 25 is exactly the same at 45. People evolve, priorities change and life circumstances as well.
By accepting change instead of resisting it, you will realize the beauty and privilege of witnessing this evolution.
The most successful couples are the ones that adapt and grow together. While couples distances themselves, they find new reasons to keep loving each day. This means being open to new experiences and giving space to evolve without feeling threatened.
