Simpsons creator Matt Groening turns 70: his best 50 pieces of wisdom from three series

If you tried to condense Matt Groening's vast universe into a few words, all you'd end up with is alcohol, lack of concentration and stupidity. That's what all of his series that America's busiest prankster has created since the 80s are about. The “Simpsons” as well as “Futurama” (which takes place in the future) and the steampunk elf fantasy series “Disenchantment” are actually a single trilogy of failure.

Matt Groening's comprehensive portrait of manners

His work is probably the most comprehensive and wise portrait of morals of modern times: no trend was missed, no topic that hasn't already been touched upon, and every joke, no matter how outlandish, has found its place. The authors' predictive power is also almost uncanny: from the smartwatch, to debates about how naked works of art can be, to the election of Donald Trump as US President – Matt Groening's bizarre world was very often overtaken by reality.

Reason enough for Matt Groening's 70th birthday to present the 50 best words of wisdom from his three Series to list:

To alcohol – the origin and solution to all problems!

Homer, Simpsonsproblem solver

I'm tired of always being happy.

Elfo, Disenchantmentdon't want to live like that

I'm not crazy! Just user unfriendly!

Bender, Futuramainsightful

Children, you have tried your best and failed miserably. What do you learn from this? Never try.

Homer, Simpsonsabout full commitment

We must all not lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas. The birth of Santa Claus!

Matt Groening, Creator of all

Family, religion and friendship. These are the three demons you must conquer to succeed in the business world.

Mr Burns, Simpsonsspills trade secrets

Sunsets – thank God they only happen once a day.

Agnes – not everything used to be better – Skinner, Simpsons

I have three children and no money. Why don't I have no children and three money?

Homer, Simpsonsabout priorities

Then I'll just build my own amusement park. With black jack and hookers. Oh no, forget Black Jack.

Bender, Futuramahas a future

We are in America! Here everyone can eat whatever they want, as long as they eat too much of it.

Homer, Simpsonsnutritionist

If the pancakes taste half as good as they look, then they look twice as good as they taste.

Homer, Simpsonsmath genius

I can either marry or die. The decision should actually be harder for me.

Princess Bean, Disenchantmentdetermined

You have to accept the future. You can complain about them, but you have to accept them.

Matt Groening, forward looking

I am not a 32 year old woman.

Beard, Simpsonsdoubts gender fluidity

The Internet? Does that nonsense still exist?

Homer, Simpsonsis ahead of its time

Oh Boden, you are always there for me. You always catch me. Not like the walls and all the steps that just get in my way.

Grounded: Princess Bean, Disenchantment

Caretaker Willi, the students are overstimulated, remove the colored chalk from the classrooms!

Seymour Skinner, Simpsonsabout modern pedagogy

Theoretically margin! In theory, communism also works.

Homer, Simpsonsabout Marx's teachings

I won't start a revolution.

Class fighter beard, Simpsons

I'm not allowed to charge an entrance fee for the toilet.

Beard, Simpsonswas apparently never in Germany

If you hate your job, you don't go on strike. You go there every day and only do half the work. That's the American way!

Homer, Simpsonslabor lawyer

I can't eat things just because I'm paid to eat them.

Beard, Simpsonsanticipates influencers

Three little rules that will get you safely through your professional life: Number 1: Represent me! Number 2: Oh, good idea, boss! Number 3: It was definitely someone else.

Homer, Simpsonscareer advisor

Someone driving that fast doesn't have time for a ticket!

Also an educator: police chief Clarence Wiggum, Simpsons

Thanks to television, I don't even know what happened eight minutes ago.

concentrator beard, Simpsons

Marriage is like a coffin and every child is another nail.

Homer, Simpsonsabout tying the knot

My cat's breath smells like cat food

Ralph Wiggum, Simpsons

Someone who speaks German cannot be angry.

jury jury, Simpsons

Don't eat me! I have a wife and children. Eat them!

Homer, Simpsonsself-sacrificing

Cause of death of parents? They were in my way.

Mr Burns, Simpsonslegacy

I'm jealous of girls because they get to wear dresses.

Rod Flanders, Simpsonsabout dress codes

I learned that in a tough world, ugly people can get naked for money.

Barney Gumble, Simpsonsis optimistic

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.

Beard, Simpsonsprevented surgeon

If you don't want to have children like Bart Simpson, you can't be like Homer Simpson.

Matt Groening, father

I would be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.

Homer, Simpsons about plant-based nutrition

There's nothing cooler than calling yourself cool.

Cool beard, Simpsons

Drinking after work tastes so much better than drinking instead of work.

Princess Bean, Disenchantmentready to learn

Why do things always happen to me that usually only happen to stupid people?

Homer, Simpsonsabout self-knowledge

This could mean the end of the Banana Daiquiri as we know it! And also of life.

Bender, Futuramapessimistic

Ralf will not deform if you squeeze him hard.

Beard, Simpsonsabout physics

Now come on Brain: You don't like me and I don't like you. But unfortunately we have to go through that now.

Homer, Simpsonsconfident

Wow, you don't look like a mom. You look happy.

Beard, Simpsonsno mother

Some would say her cries for help were a kind of cry for help. But I think she just wanted to be the center of attention.

Zero emphatic: Luci, Disenchantment

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Homer, Simpsonsinsightful

In the future, I would like to have a wallet instead of a bag with a dollar sign on it.

Stylishly captivate with Mayor Quimby, Simpsons

Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Homer, Simpsonseconomist

I can't promise to try it. But I'm trying to try.

Beard, Simpsonsgives everything

I am not a religious person. But if you really exist, then save me Superman!

Homer, Simpsonsabout faith

Lying without trying to flatter myself is not a trivial offense.

King through and through: Zøg, Disenchantment

You can't make friends with Salahat…

Bart, Homer and Lisa, Simpsonssinging