According to experts, we live a “narcissistic pandemic” in all areas, from politics to the couple, and this could represent a threat to society and relationships. How dangerous is this behavior?
Let’s free ourselves from narcissism It is the “survival manual” that the psychiatrist Maribel Rodríguez published to unmask narcissism, especially to the Pathological narcissismthe so -called Narcissistic personality disorder.
In an interview with Efesalud, the doctor explains that we all have some narcissistic behaviors, “but one thing is to have a narcissistic plot and another a landowner.”
The psychiatrist, also a professor at the International University of La Rioja in Spain, attends in consultation with victims of narcissism that have psychological damage and offers us the guidelines to detect those people who, as in the myth of Narciso, are only in love with themselves.
How is a pathological narcissist?
He is someone who lives from arrogance and vanity, who considers that he is entitled to everything and is above others. It has no empathy capacity, it is intolerant of criticism and sees others as objects.
States that we all have a narcissistic plot
It is normal for everyone to have some narcissism, but it is not the same to have a plot than a landowner.
When someone has an attitude in a moment of insecurity, of wanting to attract attention, it is being expressed from their narcissistic plot. But the pathological narcissist lives possessed by that narcissistic dimension and always acts like this.
In general, unless there is an introspective capacity of self-observation, we are not very aware of that narcissistic plot.
He assures that we now live a narcissism pandemic. Why?
On the one hand, we talk about Authority setbackthat is, what before setting limits to children and adolescents has been lost. And then, that part of narcissism that is inherent in the human condition, expands because it does not see barriers and the child who has been overprotected, mimed and endorsed can act from extreme individualism and transmit that virus.
But also the other extreme, parents who do not let their children be children, who demand them too much. This is a vulnerable narcissismthat of the person who has had to force his personality because he has not been accepted as he is.
And social networks contribute
Social networks are virus transmission mechanisms. Narcissists are more visible than ever because their seduction capacity finds an expansion platform in them. There is talk of Influencers of narcissism that stimulate more insecure people, such as adolescents, to imitate them because they believe that is prosperity, happiness …
What letters does a narcissist play with?
The seductionFor example. It can begin with the love bombing that consists in exaggerating our abilities and achievements to lower our defenses. They make you go through your soulmate, that is, they scan you and then simulate that they like the same as you, make a kind of chameleonic imitation to feel in a safe space. So, at the outset, we will see a lot of kindness, a lot of perfection … people too perfect should put us a little on guard.
Another weapon they use is to move from that loving bombing to the Sudden disconnectionto a disproportionate anger reaction for a small detail. And it generates confusion and feeling of guilt: if that wonderful person gets angry, something will have done wrong. They are skilled in turning the tortilla. Or suddenly they stop answering the messages and if you complain, you are an exaggerated, a hysterical, a dependent.
Alternate the flood of love with disconnection, it is like a roller coaster that paradoxically hooks. Why don’t this good version come back? Thus you capture your attention, doing those alternations, it is what is called intermittent reinforcement.
Is narcissism more in men than in women?
In psychiatry decades ago it has been said that there is more in men, but in recent times we are seeing that what is given more in men is great narcissismperhaps because of the male gender roles of attracting attention, of manifesting power, success, of being more proactive. But in the most recent studies it is revealed that it is also relatively frequent in women at the same level, but in a more larval, underground, covert, indirect … but not less destructive or less manipulative. There are also exhibitionists on social networks.
How do we protect ourselves from narcissism?
The first thing is to inform us to know how it works and to discover their tricks. It is like with magic tricks, when we know the trap, they no longer make us the same effect. So, when we know the strategies of the narcissist, known one, all known because they tend to play with the same cards.
The second is to know how to respond in a firm way with healthy self -esteem. The narcissist takes advantage of our narcissistic plot, which part of insecurity, and takes advantage of it to seduce us: you are the best, the most beautiful … and that makes the defenses lower. When we know that this is a narcissistic strategy it is more difficult for someone to bombard us lovingly captures us.
Know how to put limits with assertiveness. Do gray stone either put a pokeA, that is, not emotionally react to adulation or disqualification. And that to the narcissist disarms him because he sees that he has no power over you. They are examples of how we can defend ourselves from self -knowledge and self -esteem so that they cannot manipulate us.
What damage does narcissistic abuse cause?
In the clinical field, when we serve people who have suffered a narcissistic abuse we see cancellation of their identity, not knowing very clearly who they are, as they have lost their strength, who have lost their tastes, their hobbies. And it’s how they felt like a kind of ghost, as if they had been lifeless. And they usually have symptoms of anxiety, depression, somatizations, irrational fears, they become very distrustful of interpersonal relationships.
And the most serious cases have a post -traumatic stress picture, with nightmares and experimentation of very unpleasant situations, panic attacks, and may be in a state that has been recovery for years because they are high destructive, such as the most harmful sects that exist.
Even sometimes we find people who come by symptoms of anxiety, depression … who are not aware that they are thus due to narcissistic abuse because their partner has idealized.
How does the narcissist act in the couple?
The narcissist operates by subjecting his partner. From the entrance it will bombard it with love with that first strategy of seduction, of soulmate, and when it has already been captured in the spider web, starting to crush subtlely, it is a drop to drop of machaque of self -esteem in the form of small criticisms, of increasing its insecurities. For example, if a woman feels chubby, tell her good that her friend’s pants feel.
A subtle abuse that in the end does not leave you traces of blows or death threats, but that is consumed progressively. But they also alternate with sorry, such as when they say they don’t know how to do better because they have had a difficult childhood, and there are couples who are still there to save the injured child and that feeds their tyranny.
Politics … Is it a narcissistic exhibition?
Politics, being an area of so much exhibition and so much power, because it attracts, and those who are intelligent, manage to seduce us and sell us the motorcycle of any political inclination.
They have learned to seduce already say what people want to hear already mobilizing emotions and suggesting people who are a bit non -no and sometimes they believe they are intelligent but they are not so much as they are manipulable. We can see this phenomenon as dangerous and can put the democracies in question, not absolutely, but relatively.
I mean that if the votes of a politician depend on his charismatic attitude and his ability to seduction, we are going to put a country, a region or any place in the world in the hands of people who seduce more effectively, not in the hands of good politicians, who are honest and that embody human values.
What figures have been studied in psychiatry?
Napoleon was clearly obsessed with his power. Hitler also, Nero … There are figures who have had a power from an excessive ego, where the objective of their policy was their prominence, not the good of the people. To a certain degree, many rulers have sinned from that egocentric narcissism, but those who have led humanity to more important catastrophes often have more pathological narcissism, because everything is revolving around them, not around their people.
Do you observe narcissism in the Spanish political class?
Yes, of course I observe narcissism and I do not know any environment in the world where I do not observe any narcissism component. For prudence I will not say names, but obviously the extreme confrontations, the polarizations, the personal egos that are imposed above the needs of the people show that we are ill of narcissism in the political environment.
And internationally?
We are going to look mostly in these world leaders where their personality is above the needs of their country. When they express themselves, we see them referring to themselves, without dialogue, they speak from threats, from impositions and from believing in possession of truth, without dialogue.
And I’m afraid we have a few within the international conflicts we are living. I think it is not necessary to name them so that they are easily detected.
In the book he says that narcissism is a public and world health problem
Narcissism is a threat because it implies that personal and group egos are imposed above human rights and above empathy. The narcissist lives to enlarge. And this assumes that his vision and preference will impose over truth and human needs and will favor the acquisition of power over who are more vulnerable, they have less resources, less weapons or less psychological weapons as well, and can lead to the submission of population groups and whole countries from that narcissistic seduction.
Also because people do not know what it is to live from reality, authenticity, truth or respect for their own rights. And then that makes them manipulable. We live a bit as unconscious children.
What message do you want to launch with “let’s get rid of narcissism”?
I want to show that if we do not realize both our narcissistic plot and the power of pathological narcissists, today we are dedicated to greater catastrophes, because ideological possession feedback narcissism in the sense that it gives an identity of superiority. Religious and extreme nationalist identities are generating false egos that prevent entering into others and living from compassion and empathy.
Behind many conflicts is that human ego that tries to impose itself to others and that sees their desires for power, their materialistic ambitions above human rights and is justified even in the name of God the exercise of violence, which is a tremendous contradiction that I in part I believe that it derives from this human narcissism that leads to destructiveness. And that’s why you have to fight it.
(With EFE information)
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